When Progress Isn't Good

I said to my ultrasound tech today, "As soon as you see the heartbeat, let me know." It's just because I've had what I described to her as a "gloom and doom" feeling lately.

In a space of a few seconds, my worst fears were obliterated and we both saw a beating heart flicker on screen. Soon Terry and Micah were at my side and we all watched the squirmy baby on the screen wiggle around. (Well, Micah was more concerned with the goo they were rubbing on my tummy.) Arms? check. Hands? check. Do they open and close? check. Legs? check. Spine, stomach, head, brain? check, check, check.

Heart? Hmm. The tech kept saying it was difficult to see the heart so she focused on it for a while. Then when the Radiologist came in to give us the all-clear, she focused on the heart, too. They said everything looked great and they sent me on my way, results of ultrasound in hand to pass along to my OBGYN.

It was to be a quick visit. Just a quick, "empty of the bladder," weigh in (How did I LOSE four pounds?), and a poke on the belly. But then it was time to discuss the test results. Baby 2 has an echogenic cardio focus on the heart. An insignificant speck which will not affect the beating of the tiny heart. But it does increase the chance that #2 will be Down Syndrome. Instead of the chances being one in 733, they are one in 200. Still slim, but a huge increase in possibility.

Huge enough to make you think. Not about what some in this position think. Termination won't happen and I wanted to plug my ears when my doctor mentioned it. But we still had immediate thoughts of how we'll handle this. How Micah will be affected, how the rest of our lives will play out. But, thankfully we only allowed the "doom and gloom" to hang over our heads for an hour or so and then we moved on. God chose our children for us. If our next baby has a chromosomal abnormality then God obviously thinks we can handle it. And we will handle it.

But, in fact, we probably won't have to handle any sickness. 1 in 200 is still unlikely. Our next step is an in depth ultrasound which will look for any other Down Syndrome traits. If any should occur, we'll move on to amniocentesis for the final word. The OBGYN said that the bad thing about ultrasounds being so good these days is that they pick up on tiny possibilities like this and usually cause unnecessary worry. But in the end, I'd rather be as prepared as possible for the baby God gives us. I'm thankful for medical progress.

In the meantime, we've got to start looking at boy names.
Penis? check.
Eeeeee!