Heartbreak

I don't know that I'll be able to accurately explain my feelings. I don't know that I would have understood all of this two years ago before Micah was born. I'm heartbroken at the world I brought my child into.

We prayed for our over-seas missionaries at church recently and I caught myself praying that God would send some missionaries our way, too.

I watched a tv show on polygamy last night and the journalist asked how it feels to say "I do" to a man who will surely bore of you in three years and say "I do" to someone new? The wife's response was to ask how this was different than any other marriage arrangement in America these days.

It's so true. We don't seem to hold anything as sacred anymore. We're destroying our world by putting ourselves first and acting selfishly and wildly when God tells us to practice restraint instead.

I've seen news of two ads this week that initially led me to the despair I feel now. One is put on by an atheist organization. They've plastered huge signs on the sides of buses in D.C. that say: "Why Believe in a god? Be Good for Goodness Sake." There's a picture of Santa Clause on the sign.

They're mocking a Christian holiday. If you don't want to acknowledge God, that's fine by me. But it's nothing but antagonistic to spread your message by attacking a holiday founded on Christ's birth.

Terry told me about the second ad. I didn't see it firsthand, so please let me know if I've got it wrong. It's an ad by a dating service. "Life's too short. Have an affair."

This is the world Micah will inherit from me. Religion aside, what good can come from the black tar that selfishness leaves in its path? I've known people who've cheated and been cheated on, and I can honestly say that I don't think any of them are better off. Neither of them seem happy. It isn't an action that has no victim. In fact, it has numerous victims as it's destruction creeps towards friends and family members who are in turn hurt because of someone's foolish decision to put themself first.

So, how do I parent in this world? How do I bring all that is good and glorifying of God to our doorstep when such rampant evil and selfishness pervades every second of our day? How do I take the innocent life God so, so graciously put in my and Terry's hands and teach him that 90% of our world is bathed in sin and relishing it?

I hope that with the holidays approaching, we focus on Jesus' birth and remember what he sacrificed for us when he died. Too many of us are living with no thought to that conversation we'll have at the pearly gates one day when we're called to stand and face every decision we've made. It isn't enough to say the prayer that made us Christians. We're called to pick up our cross every day and trudge after the Lord. That means putting ourselves last. It means fighting our human impulses, ignoring the call of materialism on American's lives, seeking hard after the Lord and His word.

We live in a sad place. And the irony is that the thing that brings me most joy- my son- will someday be the bearer of the pain our generation is causing. I think it's easy to live in a world of debauchery when you've got only yourself to worry about. But when you think of your loved ones and how they'll suffer, everything changes.

Parenthood is the greatest joy I've ever known. It's full of awe and wonderment and deep, deep, truly unconditional love. It's my privilege to be a mommy. And as a parent, it's my duty to take a stand for a better world. I won't be silent in my love for the Lord and his blessings. I can't have that on my conscience anymore.

See how he already looks up to us and tries to be like us? What a difficult challenge to face!