Such a Change

It's been sneaking up on me in little bits. This kind of whittling I've been going through at God's hands. I'm reminded of the children's song,
"He's still working on me
to make me what I ought to be.
Took Him just a week to make the moon and the stars,
the sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars.
How lovely and precious I must be!
He's still working on me!"

It started when we were praying for Micah and my prayer life was doubled, even tripled as I prayed for a healthy pregnancy and baby. For the wisdom of Solomon to raise my children as believers who stood in the face of adversity. To trust and teach my children to trust that no matter the mocking we feel as Christians in an un-believing world, we'll someday stand in front of our God and hear, "Welcome, my good and Faithful Servant!"

My faith grew when I watched the hand of God work in my husband's life when his family was hit with a crisis. He made difficult choices and based them on scripture. My belief system was strengthened when I watched my best friend put herself aside and answer the greatest call any Christian can have. And recently I've been blessed to feel the power of God again as my first trimester hormones plunged me into a dark, inexplicable, depression.

Another children's song comes to mind.
"...Little ones to Him belong.
We are weak when He is strong."

Indeed God is made larger when I am weak and remember that there is nothing in this world that I have because of any of my own actions. God is there in His huge strength and knowledge when I make myself lesser. When I follow yet another song: "Jesus first, yourself last, and others in between."

There's no more pretending. I've been changed. I've been through yet another re-birthing, and I hope that as long as I live I continue to go through them. Each one brings me knowledge and grace and strength. I know as long as I seek God, He'll continue to show me bits and pieces of His plans, He'll share his love and even bestow unworthy blessings.

I've had my eyes opened to things I've welcomed into my life that shouldn't be there. Things I justified as simple human nature or a result of living in the 21st century. Things I didn't even notice, and others that I was fully aware of but clung to. The more I ask God to chisel me and mold me, the more I begin to look like Him and the happier I am.

He's sensitized me to certain things so that when I'm confronted with Biblical untruth, hate, or secular pride, I'm actually offended and hurt and I seek His face immediately in the situation.

Of course, all of this will, hopefully, make me a better parent, too. I long to protect Micah's purity and mind. To teach him that protecting yourself and immersing yourself only in Biblical things is not making a choice to be naive as the world would tell us. It's making a choice to rise above and not feel the need to experiment or be of the world.

I'm grateful to two Christian friends who reflected scripture to me last night and reminded me of the growth I've had when I most needed to hear it. They didn't even know they were helping me to realize my change. But that's what they did. Simply because they were loving and wouldn't let me get away with something un-Biblical. Because when I said, "Oops, that wasn't right," and acknowledged a false step I'd taken, they didn't smile and let it go. They echoed back to me the scriptures that indeed say I was wrong. The modeled to me how Christians support each other in finding God's truth and love.

It's overwhelming to think that as a parent, this is my main calling. To show my children the right way even when it means pointing out where they are wrong. To prod them down a path of Christianity and be ready to love them even when- especially when- they take a wrong step, while still demonstrating that God's laws are given to us for a good reason-- our own protection.

I thought a blown-out tire ruined my evening last night. God had something to tell me though, and He needed me to have some peace and quiet and fellowship with Christian friends so that I could hear Him. I'm so grateful I listened. I hope you can all see this difference in me. I'm so excited it's here.