Family Values

Terry and I have been reading Dr. James Dobson's book, What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women. Considering it's written from a man's perspective, it's extremely dead-on and has been eye-opening for us. It seems we're like most couples and many of our conflicts are a direct result of those ingrained differences in men and women. This book has helped us see from the other's point of view, and I recommend it to everyone.

However, because I'm cheap, I ordered an older version from Amazon.com. I think it was about 50 cents (before shipping). It's from 1983. So, some of the material is dated, and none of the figures could possible still be right. A few nights ago, we read a letter Dobson had written to tv personality, Merv Griffin. Just like much of the book, I first took it as being silly and a little dated. Until I realized that the thoughts expressed in the letter are still very Biblical and they only seemed exaggerated to me because of how jaded our society has become regarding family.

Here is the letter written in 1974:

Dear Mr. Griffin,

Having watched your television show intermittently for the past four years, I can no longer remain silent about a matter that causes me great concern and agitation. Night after night, your program has clearly been dedicated to the distruction and dismemberment of the traditional American family. You and your guests have presented an incessant bombardment on the institution of marriage, sexual fidelity, dedication to parenthood, and every other essential component of successful family living. Most importantly, you have seldom permitted a balancing view point from those who represent the opposite thesis.

My point is best illustrated by the comments made on a typical show, aired in Las Angeles on Monday, December 9, 1974. That program featured two hours of non-stop venom, some of which is quoted (or paraphrased) below:

John Byner, your first guest, explained that he had been divorced for nine years, and was raising his two girls alone. He said it was a highly successful arrangement.

Pamela Mason then blasted onto the screen, saying she was strongly opposed to the concept of marriage. "It's just a two-dollar piece of paper from a rotten government which tries to tell us who we can sleep with." She also said she was married to James Mason for 30 years and cheated on him at least 50 times during that time period. She said she wouldn't recognize his voice if he called her on the phone today. Mrs. Mason concluded her remarks by saying the problem of the world today is that we have too much religious fervor. "We need to get rid of that," she asserted.

Chip (last name missed) then joined you on camera and sang a song about the imperminence of man-woman relationships entitled, All is Fair in Love.

Carole Cook was then invited onto the set. When the subject of sexual loyalty was introduced, she said, "I'm as pure as the driven slush." You and Mrs. Mason teased her about being married to a previously divorced man, asserting scornfully that she was "living in sin." Mrs. Cook replied, "Oh, I just love that!" (audience laughter) She explained that she wasn't keen on marriage because it requires people to "talk to their mate about their actions and behavior."

Rubin Carson was then invited to join the group. He began his contribution by saying he was, "working on a movie on the study of Open Marriage, studying the effects of not being faithful in a marriage. He said he had been married three times and favored divorce to infidelity. He claimed to have just finished a book entitled, "Sex is Nature's Way of Saying Hi!"

Thus two more hours of destructive propoganda were injected directly into the veins of the American home, where it could rot us from within. At least the Trojan Horse contained soldiers who were recognized as the enemy; you have invaded us with insiduous philosophies, carefully designed as entertainment and humor. How many teenagers and children watched your show on December 9, each comparing his values to the foolish advice regurgitated by your guests? How many wives found in your words, the courage they needed to abandon their responsibilities at home? How many husbands decided during your program to accept those extramarital sexual opportunities they had been declining? How many children will someday have you to blame for the disintegration of everything stable in their lives? I can't supply the numerical answers to these questions, but I do know you and your colleagues are undermining the foundation of the family. And when it collapses, you and I and the rest of society will disintegrate with it..."

Mr. Griffin, of course, did not write back. If a studio exec were to get a letter like this today he'd likely assume the author to be insane. Here's my opinion, and then I'll sign off...

Everyone wants freedom for themselves. Everyone wants to live in a world where marriage can quickly be dissolved, affairs quickly be had, and responsibilities quickly abandoned whenever we feel like it. So, we've become obsessed with a free culture. No one wants to step on anyone's toes because when it's their turn to act the fool, they don't want anyone getting in their face about it. But, if we stopped thinking about society in terms of "us" and thought about it in terms of the next generation, would we be more inclined to change?

We don't want those we love to be affected by those awful things mentioned above- divorce, marital affairs, or even just disdain for marriage altogether. We want those we love to be in long, happy, faithful marriages. So, why do we allow such foul opinions of marriage to predominate our culture? Everyone is so into being "green" these days. People want to preserve our earth for the future generations. But, what about preserving our families? Can anyone make the argument that a divorce-less, or a divorced less, society wouldn't be a happier one? I urge you to consider family values in the upcoming election. Everything starts in the home. Everything. Good or bad, we carry our first few years of life with us until the end. So, lets try harder to give our children the good, solid, stability of a happy, hard-working, respectable marriage!