Terry and I are reading Dr. Dobson's, Dare to Discipline (no, not the old version! This one is up to date), our church is currently in the middle of a Parenting series about dicsipline, and I'm in a bi-monthly Bible Study about, you guessed it- parental discipline! Coincidence?
It came at just the right time. Micah has actually rolled his eyes at me twice! And at the doctor's office this week when the nurse called us to go back to the patient room, Micah wasn't thrilled about leaving his toys behind and I ended up pulling him by the arm a bit harder than I would have liked to get him to follow me. And the little stinker made me look worse when, after I let go of his arm, he rubbed it like a wounded solider! He's got such an attitude!
We've already made a lot of newbie mistakes. One is we've had too much patience. Yep, too much. At home Terry and I both focus a lot on our tempers. As in NOT letting them flare up. So, we never really make commands of Micah. We ask him, then tickle him, then chase him, then sing a song to him, all while we're getting him closer to his task. we thought this was working. We had a peaceful house. But, when we're out in public, there is no time for so much patience. The nurse, nor the other patients waiting, would not have been a fan if I'd said to Micah, "Let's go! Come on! Let's walk like Dinosaurs! Oooh Good! Now let's march...Almost there, can you run the rest of the way?" There are times when acting fast is required.
Besides learning that we've been taking things too slowly, we've also gotten a good look into spanking. We had discussed before that we knew the Bible says spanking is good, but in church this week we learned there are actually several verses about it. Proverbs 13:24, Proverbs 22:13-15 for example. It's times like this when I so welcome the assurance that trusting God brings. Since I believe He always has my best interest at heart, and Micah's too, I can feel confident that any advice in the Bible is not just advice, but really the only option. After this church service Terry and I talked about the contradiction of spanking and saying not to hit at the same time. But we quickly laughed at ourselves when I caught myself punishing Micah for being purposefully defiant and opening the kitchen cabinets. It's an example of getting into trouble for something Mommy and Daddy are allowed to do. It's not a double-standard, it's showing authority over your children. Enforcing that the household is in no way a democracy. There are rules set for children, and when they follow the rules they thrive. Zig Ziglar says, "A child who has not been disciplined with love by his little world will be disciplined without love by the great, big world." Scary.
And that thought brings me full circle to something I learned from my Bible study (Creative Correction by Lisa Whelchel). The author says that the perfect parent is God and when we try to follow his style, we'll be most successful. There are a jillion and one things in the Bible that I don't understand. Commands God asks of us that don't always make perfect sense. But, because I trust that He does love me and wants the best for me, I can trust Him, and obey Him. And that's how we should treat our children. When they learn that we always have their best interest at heart, they can be free to trust us, even when they don't understand our reasoing or methods, and find freedom and security in obeying us.
Of course, my son is all of 18 months old and I'm sure there are many more experienced parents out there laughing their heads off at my naivete. Well, I'm sure they're right. I'm sure I don't have a clue. But, I promise, when I get clued in, I'll share the knowledge!
On a lighter note, Dr. Dobson explains this "pinching the back of the neck" move that his wife perfected that sends a quick jolt to a disobedient child. After we read about it I told Terry I could never do something to Micah when I didn't know how it felt first. So, I leaned forward and gave Terry access to my neck. At first he couldn't find the right spot and it just felt like a neck rub, then I nearly jumped a foot off the bed when he found that perfect spot! It definitely got my attention! Maybe we'll keep that in the ol' bag of tricks for when Micah's a pre-teen. Just so you know, I spent the rest of the night trying to convince Terry to let me do his neck. I never got him.
1 comment:
Maybe you could threaten him with a banana. ;)
Great post! I wanted to read more, actually. I was hoping you'd put in a lot of what the books say. Of course, I could always just borrow them.
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