Breathe in, breathe out

Micah will have a babysitter in our home 2 days a week throughout the summer (and Aunt Kelly will take him one day a week, too) and then in the fall he'll start at either daycare or the pre-school at our church because I'm taking a part-time job. I'm excited about him getting to do some fun things with other kids on a regular basis. When I taught at Primrose, we had regular events like splash day (play in the sprinklers), bounce day (jump on an inflatable castle), and petting zoo day. Lots of things that he'll get a kick out of!

But, if it weren't for my current work-from-home job coming to an end and forcing me back into the workforce, I would still choose to be home full-time. I've struggled a lot with going out of the home to work. It's almost like acknowledging to all those nay-sayers that it isn't fulfilling enough to be at home, that I've succumbed to the pressure and decided to go to work and "do something for me." I've heard from plenty of people that being at home means not using your brain, becoming lazy and addicted to soaps, or even being selfish (it's ok, girl- I still love you!) for giving up a full-time salary that could benefit our family.

Lately, being at home HAS been hard. Not in the way you'd think, though. Micah's been easier to handle lately. He's very independent and doesn't need me every minute of the day. So, I think basically what's happened is that life has slowed down enough for me to realize the monotony of my days. Suddenly there's actually time for me to realize that I'm doing the 19th load of laundry for the week, instead of just dumping the clothes and running off to a new task.

(Hopping on soap box...)When I started to realize that about 90% of my life consisted of routine chores that are repeated on a daily basis, I started to buy into that whole "stay at home mom's aren't contributing" thing. What was I doing that had "real" value? If I sweep the floor today, I'll just have to do it again tomorrow (or even later tonight) so what's the point? Micah's been too young to do much in-depth interaction; his attention span is so short that I can't spend as much time teaching or playing with him as I'd like. He gets bored and moves on to independent play. He caught on to "time out" pretty quickly, so discipline has been a breeze, too. So, suddenly, my life wasn't the instant source of fullfillment that it had been.

Taking care of a newborn is the most rewarding job out there. Every 2 minutes you see the result of your hard work. Getting them to sleep requires huge effort and a big payoff (the hour-long nap!). Feeding them must be followed by burping, which muct be followed by cleaning spit up. So, it's a constant job with instant gratification. Our house is so well baby-proofed right now that sometimes I feel like if I left food and water within reach, Micah could spend the entire day at home without anyone and be fine. Anytime a person starts to lose sight of the importance of their job, depression is sure to come, and I've been no different.

In my case it lead to issues between Terry and I. I needed fulfillment from somewhere and so I started bugging Terry and feeling like I needed a lot of attention and pats on the back from him. Which was rough on him because he was just starting a new job and needed his own reassuring once he came home. Our neediness just ended up making us fight.

Leave it to James Dobson to save the day. I HIGHLY recommend the book, What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women to any moms out there. Terry and I read it together every night and each time we close the book, we both comment on how it sounds like he's gotten his material directly from our conversations. So, it's helped me to understand that even when it might seem like Micah is getting along just fine and doesn't need me as much, my presence is still important for a lot of reasons. I'm providing him stability, a familiar environment within which to explore, a comfortable routine, and even the knowledge of our values. I'm reminded that being a mom doesn't always mean the physical actions you take like reading a book, cooking dinner, or playing ball. I'm a valuable part of society because I am teaching my son through example. He knows we pray before meals and at night. He knows mommy and daddy hug and kiss. He knows reading is important. He knows we buckle up in the car, he knows we smile and say hi to strangers, he knows we go to church on Sundays, he knows we value our friendships and our family.

Those are all things Terry and I have taught by example, which, whether working out of the home or not, means every parent, aunt, uncle, or anyone else who is a part of a child's life has much value and importance.

James Dobson says the future of our country hangs on how we see moms. I wish we could scale back as a country and allow families to start living on one salary again, so that we could raise our own kids en masse. We aren't excluded from the financial stress and bad economic times, either. After all, here I am, going off to work myself. Lucky for me, I've found a job that allows flexible scheduling, is family-centered and will even allow me to bring Micah whenever my mood demands it. There's a play area there for the employees kids and if I ever need to leave because Micah is sick, it's no problem- I'll just make it up on Saturday when Micah is having fun with daddy. I've stumbled out of a flexible job that lets me work from home, and into a flexible job where my boss said, "You're hired!" right after I told her that I'm always a mom first and that my family will come before my job, no question. Yep- that's right- a company that actually values family values!! God has provided for us again! It's exciting!

So, to all of you other mommies out there, I hope I've shed some light that will allow you and your husbands to side step a problem that hit Terry and I square in the face. Being a mom, with any kind of work schedule, means you're doing a lot of thakless things that can lead you to feel alone, worn out, or under appreciated. It's important work, nonetheless. I'm proud to be signing off now so I can get a few more things done before the monkey is up from his nap.