"Dear God, It's Me, Sarah"

I like to plan. I like to research and come up with timelines. I like my timelines. They are pretty, they are orderly, they make sense to me.

So, now, why won't God follow my timelines?

Here's what I'd like to ask God: For me to learn something, do I always have to be made a fool in the sight of others, first? I think I know God's answer (His goal is not to make us happy on earth, but to get us to see Him and depend on Him.). But that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

God tells our family "A" and so we begin working toward "A." But then the journey doesn't look how we thought it would look. We think, in our humanness, that if God wants us to get to "A" and we're being obedient and following Him there, that our trip should be a smooth one. Now intellectually, I can understand why the trip is a bumpy one. If God eliminated struggle, if He brought us directly to our desired end-result, then when would we have the chance to demonstrate our faith in His restorative power, in His omniscience? The concept makes sense to me. But actually living it is difficult. It's almost heart-breaking and pretty defeating when you start to lose focus and question the journey.

Because I think, for us, the goal is getting to the outcome. For God, I think it's all about what He can teach us on the way. Agreeing to go with Him is only the first step. He's got lots to show us in the meantime. He's going to take his time to mold us so that when we reach our goal, we are prepared and ready for it.

Some examples...
God told Sarah and Abraham that He'd give them a child. I bet they thought, "Whew. Great. Cross that one off the list." Not so fast, though. Turns out Sarah is barren. What would we do today if God told us something and then we faced events that directly discounted His promise? If God tells me I'm going to have a baby and then the doctor tells me after years and years of trying, that I'm infertile, I know without a doubt the first thing I'd think: I must not have really heard from God.

And my next step probably would have been similar to Sarah's. Let's get a baby within our own means. Maybe she fell prey to the similar cultural quip we hear today- God helps those who help themselves. Nevertheless, she indeed helped herself. She helped herself right to her maidservant whom she offered to Abraham as a bedroom stand-in.

Due to my current circumstances, I wonder if Sarah jumped the gun because she was tired of looking like a fool. Maybe she was like me and when she hears something from God she likes to tell every last girl at the salon, every woman in the PTA, and basically every female within hearing distance. Maybe she already had friends knitting her baby blankets and booties in anticipation of her promised pregnancy. Perhaps she even had to watch as those blankets and booties were passed off to other mom's whose belly-bumps continued to come and go. Maybe Abraham had built her a cradle and she had to watch it sit empty for decades.

I bet she felt like a fool. In fact, I know she did. I bet she felt the awkward glance of friends who cut their eyes to get glimpses of her still flat tummy. I'm sure they laughed and said what we all hate to hear from other Christians: "I think she just thought she heard from God." But we all know the story ends with a baby boy. A boy Sarah had when she was about 91 years old! Now I know that wasn't Sarah's intended timeline!

I bet Noah felt even worse. Here he is building a boat because God told him to, and of course we know he was confronted with ridicule everywhere he turned. I bet he got the worst of it from his friends and family though. "Noah, this can't be what God's asking of you. Give it up and put your time to good use! Spend more time with the kids, take the little woman on a date. Stop being so obsessed with this ridculous pursuit and put your time to better use: join a committee, lead a small group, volunteer!" I can't imagine how hard it was for Noah to press onward while those around him only saw him as a failure for years upon years. I bet when things got really hard, when he ran out of wood and had to make his umpteenth trip to Home Depot, I bet he had doubts. If he's anything like me, he probably thought that things didn't always add up. If God wanted him to build the ark, why did He have to make it so difficult? When termites attacked the second level, when he fell from the ladder and sprained his ankle, when he got the flu and was out of commission for weeks, I bet he questioned the divinity of the project.

It takes so much faith to stay on course when our pride is affected. I, personally, don't like feeling like such a failure when God doesn't follow my timeline. It always makes me stop and say, "Dear God, it's me, Sarah. Um, did I hear you right last time? Maybe there was a miscommunication? Based on that talk we had, I thought we'd be a lot further along by now. What's the hold up?"

A speaker at a Woman's Conference a few weekends ago said that when God wants to teach us something we can either obey immediately, or we can ignore His commands and postpone obedience. But either way, God is going to get the job done. She said, "We can pay now or we can pay later."

I believe that and I take comfort in it. I'm honored that God trusted me with His plans, that He made them the desires of my heart. If God's gonna get me there, I'd rather follow Him through the turmoil than go kicking and screaming and have to pay for it later. I'm reminded of a year ago when I asked God to help me with my pride. I liked the outcome of my request- I wanted to be humble. But, I positively detested the methods He used to knock me down a few rungs. By the third "false alarm" trip to the Labor and Delivery floor I was begging to be at the end of that journey!

Its helpful to know the Bible stories about God's people waiting. It reminds me that God takes His time to fulfill His promises sometimes. And that, in the end, we're better just for having made the journey. I can't wait till the day when I can re-read this entry and see that our current journey has, indeed, come to an end just as God promises it will.