Responsibly Irresponsible

Ok, so I don't want our finances to be a running theme on our blog. But every time we learn something that affects us as a family, I try to share it here. So here goes...



Ever since God answered our prayers allowing me to be a stay-at-home mom (over three years ago), I've had moments when I've questioned the sanity of the choice. At times it has felt down right insane to forgo an entire income. And so there have been plenty of times where I've taken the issue back to God and laid it at his feet.



Actually, I guess it would be more accurate to say that before I have the wisdom to take it to God, I begin planning and strategizing on my own about how to generate more income. And only when I've exhausted my own abilities and come to the end of the rope regarding my own ideas, do I get tired of doing things myself and take the issue back to God.



When Micah was a newborn I made a rash decision to begin a copy writing business from my home. I had some experience and the passion for writing that it would entail. I was terrified that we were living on one income and thought that steady work for me would bring us more security. I immediately paid for an entire year's worth of web hosting and put my meager talents in web design to work. I became obsessed with creating my entrepreneurial website. I'd work on the text all day long while Micah napped. I'd hold him in my arms at night, or pass him off to Terry while I plugged away on web graphics, links, and html. I lost an entire week of my life creating this would-be business.



Then God quietly pointed out to me that I was working to solve a problem He'd already answered for me. He'd already provided for us in great ways which allowed me to be a stay-at-home mom. I gave up on freelance copy writing and I laid my pride and my ego at Jesus' feet again as I worked to have total faith in Him.



My faith paid off. Once Micah was older and able to play by himself more, I had two part-time jobs fall into my lap. They were easy jobs that I could work on exclusively during Micah's nap time. I was thankful for the extra money, thankful for the work that was keeping my resume from becoming too stagnant, thankful for the opportunity that many women would love to have.



That's why it was surprising to me when both jobs seemingly ended. After Caleb was born, I was let go from one job and, even though my contract was still good with the other company, the work wasn't coming. We'd just had a baby and expenses were higher. Terry didn't get the raise he'd been promised. And now I was losing my small income too.



Then out of nowhere, I heard from an old boss. Someone I'd worked for right out of college who needed me to do some work from home. My immediate thought was that this was an answer to prayer.



And then I actually spent some time praying about it. And that's when it seemed that God was saying "no." Let me tell you, I tried to shake that "no" off for days. It just didn't make sense to me that God would not want me to take on an easy, profitable job when money was so tight. My ex-employer gave me three weeks to think about taking the job. And every day for the first two weeks I tried to ignore God's "no." Then on the third week I asked God to open my eyes so that I could possibly see His plan and understand His answer.



Terry and I were looking at our budget one day. We talked about how we needed 'X' amount of dollars to make it to the next paycheck. And we just didn't know where it would come from. As we talked, Terry began to open the mail. And (you know where this is going, right?) we found an unexpected check for exactly the amount we needed!



So God had shown that He would be providing all of our needs. Just like it says in Philippians 4:19.



But I'm stubborn and I couldn't help but get selfish and think: Well, if God meets all our needs AND I take this extra job, think of the money we could save and the things we could pay off!





God had told me no. He had shown me in a very real and tangible way that He could provide. But I couldn't shake the irresponsible feeling I had. I couldn't help but think, "What would our friends and family say? Those who really know our past of financial blunders. What would they think about us turning down work?"



And that's when God decided it was time to grab me by the shoulders and say, "Listen!"



We bought the book for our first night in our new small group at church. The book is called, "Chase the Goose." And the first chapter was all about being Responsibly Irresponsible. It teaches that we can get in the Holy Spirit's way by making too many plans, doing too many things, filling our lives with so much stuff that there is no time to hear from God about what we should do next. If we have steps 1-10 figured out and all planned, how likely will we be to stop and seek God's will for what's next?



I don't know what others took away from this chapter specifically. I don't even know if Terry got out of it what I did. But I do know that right there, reading that book, I was given freedom. Freedom to relax and let God lead me. Freedom to know, to really, really know, that where God leads me is the best place for me.



I did turn down that job. And the very same day I did, I finally heard from my current employer and was given the first project I'd had from them in more than 2 months. And now, when our budget is the smallest its ever been, we're being rewarded by watching God prune us. I fill like He's standing back and looking at us as a barber looks at the client in his chair. He scrutinizes us, leans in with the scissors and... chop, chop!

"Just a little bit off here. A bit more off the sides..."

And with each snip of the scissors we look better and feel better. We are better.



God is teaching us and making us stronger. He's helping us correct our financial mistakes and correct the financial footprint we'll leave for our children.



And even more than that, He's taken away a bit of our security on worldly things so that we have to look to Him more. We have to trust more and have more faith. And isn't that what our relationship with Christ is supposed to be like? Blind faith and trust in Him?



These events were such an obvious display of God's plan for us that I had to share what we learned. Hope it gives someone out there a little bit of hope.