Fierce!

Illuminated, exaggerated, compounded, enlarged. Bigger, brighter, tighter, tougher. More brilliant, more obvious, more important.

That's what happened to me when Micah was born. Every personality trait, habit, or belief system I had before I was was a mother EXPLODED once I brought Micah home from the hospital. I don't think you have to be a parent to understand what I mean, either. Any significant life event will do it to you. Maybe that's why they say people in their 20's are trying to find themselves. Maybe it's because the majority of twenty-somethings are still too young to have had a moment in life that changes them forever and allows them to plainly see themselves. (But, in classic twenty-something style, they're egocentric enough to believe they have! Oh, wait, I
still fall into that category, too!)

I've just finished a book called, Now Face to Face. It's a sequel to Through the Glass Darkly, and, you guessed it, the title is based on the verse in 1st Corinthians about us being like children and not seeing ourselves or God fully, as if we're looking through dark glass. Then the scripture alludes to us finally seeing God in all of his glory, face to face, and finally understanding all of the rules He laid out for us. Finally really understanding why he demanded things of us, forgave us, chastised us, loved us.

When I became a parent things became much clearer to me. And the person I was became more defined, good and bad. It's like I'm operating at a higher level of Sarah-ness. (ha!)

When I'm happy, I'm HAPPY!!! When I'm sad, I am really, really sad. If I had an opinion before, now I'm prepared to hop on my soapbox in its honor. If I liked you, now I love you. If I could barely tolerate you, consider yourself the jam between my toes (my favorite insult ever, thanks to the Little Rascal movie)! I don't know why, either. Don't worry, I'm not going to get all philosophical on you! I think it's as simple as I don't have the time or the desire to hold back or hide myself or pretend to be something else anymore. Why should I? Truth be told, I'm happy. Simple as that.

So, if I was moody before, I'm way more moody now! (Can you believe my moodiness pre-Micah was me holding back??!!) I cried easily at sappy movies before, now I break out the tissues for toilet paper commercials. I sometimes went three days without shaving my legs, now sometimes I'll go um...much longer! (Blog stalker, and friend of a friend, Erin..boy, have we got to talk about your hairy toe post!) I was a homebody before and now I could qualify as a hermit.

It's all because of my MOMENT. For me it was Micah being born. But, I think there are a lot of different types of events that could qualify as your MOMENT other than childbirth. What's great is that as happy as I am being me now, I'll probably have another moment (or two) later on in life and see myself even more clearly and who knows, maybe then I'll give up on shaving all together! (Probably not, honey--don't worry!!)To steal a word from Project Runway, Micah's arrival made all of my quirks and beliefs much more fierce! Hooray! What was your moment? Graduation, marriage, divorce, cancer, the death of a parent? Abuse, love, bankruptcy, wealth? Experiences, good and bad, are the things that let us be ourselves and give no apologies. God brings us the good things and the bad things to force us to love ourselves and each other more.

(And this post is a good result of my cheesiness being compounded after my "moment." Sorry to all you who just follow along for the occasional picture of Micah. If you want photos, you're going to have to humor me and listen to my mindless blog-chatter!)