I've joined a new Bible study. It's on Mondays from 10 a.m. until noon (although the majority of the ladies head to lunch when it's done and continue the fellowship). I think it's very stay-at-home-momish. Well, who else goes to Women's Bible studies in the middle of the day? It's one of the two events to date that have solidified my role as a SAHM. The first was when I became a "mall-walker." There are dozens of us on any given weekday, usually before the mall is open, just pushing our strollers and enjoying the sights, or the exercise, or maybe a 1000 calorie coffee and muffin from Starbucks.
This Bible Study is a whole new world. Well, first of all, it's amazing to be able to have the time to delve deeper into the Bible. For example, did you know that Moses wrote one of the Psalms? And did you know that in Biblical times, they believed you could become "moon-struck?" The moons harmful rays could cause epilepsy, or so they thought. And that is where we get the word lunatic. Pretty cool, huh?
But, what's so weird, is this whole new culture I'm being assimilated into. On the first day of the study, we were instructed to give a little bit of information about ourselves to the group. Specifically, we were supposed to share who our husbands were and how many children we had. I'm not sure if any of them thought that was odd, but I did wonder how sharing about ourselves actually meant sharing about our families. It bothered me the first week.
The second week, I went with anthropological goals in mind. I was determined to understand more about these people and their lifestyle. Today, before the Bible study began, they quietly chatted about their husbands. Frustrations were expressed, mainly because one women was absent from the group because it was her 17th wedding anniversary and her husband had taken the day off to spend it with her. No one begrudged the woman her celebration, they just remarked on the failure of their own husband's to do the same. Or, as one lady said, even remember their anniversary.
Their discussion was light-hearted and they eventually turned to talking about their children and joked about them as well. They talked about their plans for the day, too.
"The kids will be back from school at 4, and I promised them we'd go shopping for jackets."
"My husband is traveling overseas and he's going to call me at 2, so I need to be home for that."
It could have been a scene from the Brady Bunch or even Desparate Housewives! At first I thought it was a little disheartening: these women seem to have lost their own identities and see themselves only as wives and moms. But, after spending some time with them, I've realized that they don't talk about their husbands and kids because it's all they have. They don't rush home to take care of their families because they have to. They do it because they LOVE their families. They do it because they love helping their families. They get joy from it!
I know you can all tell from my blogs that I struggle tremendously with my role. I want to be home with Micah, but I wish I could bring home some money to help out. I think this is just one of those decisions in life that has no black or white. I think I'll always struggle with it. Just like most working-moms probably think, from time to time, that they'd rather be home with their children, I'll probably always feel the pull to re-enter the workforce full-time. My indecisiveness comes from the magnitude of the decision...Micah's outcome depends on it! No one but God knows what impact my decisions will have on his life later. So, I want to make the right ones!
And, in the meantime, I'll probably continue to slowly become integrated into that SAHM lifestyle. If I could get past the guilt of partaking in some of the luxuries being a SAHM brings, like Starbucks at 3 in the afternoon if I want it or taking time for me to join a Bible Study, then I imagine that the happiness and peace I feel will rub off on Terry and Micah and we'll all get to be a little happier!
But, for now, one of those "un-luxuries" is calling. Laundry! Oh wait, make that two- laundry and a dirty diaper!
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