Clarity

I know I've mentioned several times how blessed I feel to have had the opportunity to be a stay at home mom. Lately, I've been feeling, though, that it isn't so much a blessing as it is a trap. I've been very happy being home with Micah. I get all the fulfillment I need from his little hugs, smiles, and giggles. And I get plenty of challenges in the form of his tantrums, occasional defiance regarding napping, and squirmy diaper changes.

There is just one glaring issue that has given me pause over whether or not to continue as a SAHM now that Micah is 9 months old (yes, nine months today!). Money! We're not suffering now, living on one income. And, we prayed hard for the financial stability to do that before Micah was born. But, when you factor in what I could be making if I were to work full-time, it's hard not to develop bigger dreams for our family.

For 6 weeks or so, I've felt pulled in two directions. 1. The desire to be Micah's full-time care provider and 2. the desire to provide more for Micah than either Terry or I had.

Society says to go with #2. And really, a lot of time, my common sense seemed to tell me to go with #2, as well. Two incomes mean Micah can play club baseball and go to space camp. It means we could vacation to more places, more often. It means I could hire a maid! That reason alone would be enough to convince me...if I was already in a position where I had a job I loved, or even a vague concept of what kind of job I might love.

Terry and I have been struggling more than ever, as we tried to decide our next step. I started checking out jobs and even applied to one. I called reputable daycares and several ladies who keep children from their own homes. But, we couldn't move forward until we knew, from God, that we were doing the right thing for Micah and that we were being obedient. And we seemed to not be getting an answer!

That is until I opened up a book I'd bought right before Terry and I were married. It's called, "The Politically Incorrect Wife." It's appropriately titled because it explains God's idea of a wife, which in today's society seems off. In Genesis God calls Eve Adam's helper. Today, helper might have the connotation of a second-rate citizen- not as important as the one we're helping. God explains it a different way, though. He called himself a helper.

For me, re-reading that book, gave me clarity. Reading about what God calls a wife to be made me realize what, in particular, God was calling me to be. It took me getting back in touch with the very basest description of a wife to remind me why I desired to stay at home in the first place. Obviously, God's definition doesn't require all women to stay home and give up their own careers for their families, but in my case, it does. It's what God's called me to do for this period in my life. To be a helper. For Micah, for Terry, for our families future altogether.

Thank God for clarity!