Another Rant!

Terry and I had a chance to spend the afternoon together with some of our married friends with children and we were able to commisurate about the ins and outs of babies and parenting.
The hot topic was handling outsiders judgements, which I know I've touched on several times on my blog. It's just too funny the way people assume that it is not only okay, but a God-given right to criticize parenting styles and choices. My friend Ashley sent me a comic strip that said it best. The cartoon shows a scene at a restaurant where a young woman with a baby is talking to an older lady a few tables over. She is saying, "Thank you for the unsolicited parenting advice! In return, I'd like to tell you a method I know for removing those unsightly age spots."

Isn't it funny how parenting your children is the most important and private thing you will ever do, but people will speak of it so freely? First of all, it's downright rude! I'd never tell someone that there house was dirty and I could recommend the right way to clean it. I'd never tell someone that they were overweight, or that they wear the same hideous pair of pants too often, or that they're in a job a 12 year old could do. Those things would be considered rude and people would be shocked for me to say them aloud.

Second of all, just because it worked for you, doesn't mean it will work for me. Like I said to my mom before, "I know you've raised three children, but you've never raised Micah. He's different." Let's take a common headache for example. I've had a headache before, in fact, I've had dozens. But that doesn't mean I can diagnose your migraines. And, if Tylenol works for me, and I see that you have a headache, but your chosen form of relief is a cool cloth on your forehead, I'm not going to rip the cloth away and tell you that Tylenol works for me, so it will work for you, too. Even worse, what if I were to listen to you say that Tylenol never gets rid of your headaches and then answer, "Well, your just not trying hard enough." How silly would that be? Your headache is different from mine. Same with my parenting style and my child.

At Christmas-time my mother and mother-in-law got in quite the argument with me when I told both of them in a hormonal fit that if they told me how to handle Micah once he was here, I'd kick them out of my apartment. My mother-in-law wanted to know why she should keep quiet if she knew that I was doing something wrong. I told her that I'd had enough baby experience to know better than to harm the baby and everything that doesn't fall into a life or death category--well, let me figure it out for myself! That's half the fun and excitement of being a new parent. And, I think it makes us better parents, actually. When we learn to watch Micah's reactions and follow what he really needs, rather than just following everyone else's advice, we become the best parents for Micah. And that's better than appearing to fit in to some "normal parenting" mold.

The funniest part about all of this is the huge amount of conflicting advice I get. When I was pregnant and setting up our baby registration, I asked several mommies to look at our wish-list and tell us if we were missing anything important or registered for anything they found was a waste of money. We got so many conflicting answers. What was completely useless to one family, was the only thing that could get another baby to sleep. We knew then that we were in for a fun ride!

I've been told to let Micah suck his thumb so he doesn't become attached to a pacifier. I've been told to get him to take a pacifier so he doesn't suck his thumb. I've been told to cut his hair, or avoid cutting it before 6 months at all costs. I've been told to slather him with sunscreen when I take him out, or not take him out at all. People have told us he wasn't in enough layers, too many layers, or even dressed too much like a man (He's a baby! Let him dress like a baby!- What does that even mean????), We heard, "Don't take him out until he's 4 months old," and "Take him out right away and get him exposed to germs so he can build up a resistance to them."

Mine and Terry's reaction to all of this has been a resounding, "Shove it." Basically we ignore all advice and depend on ourselves to come up with the right regimen for Micah and his needs. But, it still gets under my skin when people butt in. So, here's my rule. If you've seen me naked in the past 5 years (aren't you lucky?), you can talk to me about Micah. If not, keep it to yourself, or go home and write it in your journal. I don't care if your a momma, a grandma, a teacher, a nanny, or Mary Poppins, herself. I don't want to hear it! And, if you dish it out- be prepared to take my comments on getting rid of your unsighlty acne, or trimming down your ghetto booty, or which mutual funds to invest it, or which school to put your kids in.