The last three years I've really upped the anty on asking God to change me. My prayer life changed from, "please do this, please do that," to "please help the desires of my heart be the desires of your heart." And that has led to some painful changing! God hasn't been just chiseling me, I think he got out a ratchet and is banging away!
My latest lesson is trust. I'm a planner. Big time. I love to research and make pro and con lists. I spent nearly 18 months planning my wedding and I lost days at a time sitting at the computer surfing through wedding dress photos. Before I make decisions I have to check out every possible option. (And many of you know that since you're on my list of people whom I call to run ideas by!)
So, recently God intervened to show me how insignificant all of my planning and research is. I was at a woman's conference a few months ago. I'd gone with two new friends, Jenny and Lizzie. We had some individual prayer time in which God totally blew my mind by telling me He wanted me to do something that I'd never even considered. So, here I was in this hotel ballroom during specificly designated prayer time. I wasn't at home where I could conveniently let the kids distract me until I could grasp the big thing God was asking me to do. I couldn't run to my computer and do online research. God removed all distractions and, as I've since explained it, He demanded an affirmative answer from me before I could even say, "Amen."
This wasn't just a small thing. It was a BIG thing. It affected my kids and my husband and yet God wanted me to go along blindly. And since Jenny and Lizzie were fairly new friends and have yet to discover my inner spaz, I couldn't even unload on them about all the things swirling in my brain! Yet, amazingly enough, God provided me a near-immediate outlet. After prayer time it was lunch time and it just so happens that the relative-stranger sitting to my left brings up the very thing God had just spoken to me about! And then, throughout the entire lunch everyone at the table discussed with growing excitement, the plan God had already placed deep inside me!
When I came home the next day, I was surprised by my lack of interest in grabbing my computer for some constructive web-surfing. I was grateful and awed by the peace God had given me about His direction. And the peace has continued to grow. To this day, months after hearing from God, I still haven't taken it upon myself to plan or research. Instead, I've leaned on God and come into countless miracles where God placed the right people in my path at the right time. And because God loves me so much, and knows me so much, he even put someone in my path who handed me pages and pages of documented research, links, and resources regarding the whole matter!
I've done things my way before. And now I've seen God really grab a hold of me and lead me and I can tell you that without a doubt, His way is better!
It's just another way I've been changed. I hope to spend much more time praying over matters than planning them in the future! And while I'm not discounting the positive benefits of regular adult responsibility and planning, if we look to the Bible we see much more of God giving direction than we do of him applauding someone else's plans or decisions.
No comments:
Post a Comment