What I Was Trying To Say, But So Much Better!

It's always nice to have someone vocalize something you've been feeling. Sometimes it's hard to grasp your own feelings or emotions until you hear someone else put it so much more eloquently. I was listening to Gary Thomas, author of Sacred Parenting yesterday and what he said touched me so much I had to stop and take notes.

Here's what I've been trying to say, but put so much better and coming from someone with so much more knowledge. I pray it edifies you as it did me.

Thomas says that what Christian parents need to do more is get the true big picture. When a woman is pregnant, he explained, she sees the end picture as being a chubby, bouncing baby at the end of all her hard work. It makes the suffering and pain well worth it. Once we have the child, according to Thomas, we lose sight of "big picture" and think on much smaller terms. Milestones like crawling, solid foods, walking, school, college, etc. He says if we keep the real big picture in our minds instead, we'll be able to draw upon that for energy and motivation during the toughest parenting predicament. And of course, that bigger picture is where our child will spend eternity. If our children grow to have perfect jobs, perfect families, and a large bank account, but go to Heaven and Jesus says, "I don't know you," then we've missed the mark.

The author says, “The reason we should put the effort behind parenting, edure the pain and make the sacrifices, is that we are literally living out the picture of redemption. Showing the world that the Messiah has come and things have changed. This is what the world is like when Jesus is injected into the family."

He says often people have kids for the wrong reasons. I'm guilty of this too. I wanted to begin a family because I knew the excitment that kids bring. I wanted to expereience the deep love that only a parent knows. Thomas says that when you ask people why they have kids they give answers similar to mine or they say, "It was just the right time," or "to carry on the family name." But he says the Biblical reason is simply because God urges us to. God tells us what a blessing children are and reminds us to fill our quiver and to be fruitful and multiply. My own reasons were selfish, which of course piques my curiosity...

Why did God tell us to have kids? Why exactly are they a blessing? They certainly bring love and joy, but I know many parents of older or grown children who would say there is often more pain than joy (it's hard to imagine that stage now as I turn and watch Micah crack himself up by spinning in circles until he's so dizzy he falls over laughing).

Gary Thomas explains better than I ever could. He says, "Parenting is a very spiritual journey. I found that parenting was challenging me in ways I’d never been challenged as a single man. ...Life has changed. Things are pushed aside, someone else’s comfort comes before my own. Somebody else's needs are more important than my wants. It's a beautiful process. I grew up as egocentric and ambitious as the next guy." Thomas says that when he became a parent, he identified with the Lord who said he came to serve, not to be served. Ultimately that is what we’re called to become as parents- selfless servants. God gives us independent beings who need so much of us. And that really changes us- helps us escape our old selfish ways.

Thomas says that becoming a parent drives us to a deeper relationship with God if we let it. He mentions the scripture 2 Corinthains 7:1 which tells us to purify ourselves. He notes that often duty #1 as a parent is to purify our children (eat with your mouth closed, say please and thank you, wash behind your ears) but that our #1 goal should be to purify OURSELVES. "If I want to grow in patience, in gentleness, in speaking kindly, in doing good when it’s taken for granted, the best way to learn that is in the context of relationships. Particularly within the family. God can use the process of family life to shape our souls in a way nothing else can. It’s a divine exercise to point us to God."

He urges us to be humble as parents, accepting our weaknesses and even allowing our kids glimpses into our mistakes. He said our children should grow up and acknowledge us as flawed human beings so they don't say, "God could never use me the way He used my mom." But instead they should say, "If God used my mom, He can use me, too."
We show our kids our faults and say, I'm not perfect, I have flaws. But you know who doesn't? God. He's better. Follow HIM. I'm not worthy, but He's the one you should look to.
We have the ultimate chance to be MESSENGERS.

He ended with a special note to stay at home moms. He told a story of a SAHM going to Heaven and God saying "You fed me when I was hungry. You clothed me when I was naked. I was a stranger and you invited me in." The woman asks when she could have done those things. She was at home with her kids. And God says, who is more hungry and naked than one of my newborn children? Who is more a stranger and more alone that the babies you held in your arms and cared for? You weren't taking care of your children. You were taking care of MY children.