Boys!

I'm so excited to be having boys. And only rarely do I ever wonder wistfully what a girl would be like. I'm happy God heard my desire for 2 boys and blessed me with them (or was it God who put the desire there first?). I heard a phrase the other day that made me a bit sad, though. "A boy's your son 'till he takes a wife, but a daughter's a daughter for all of her life." I can't exactly put my finger on why that's right, but it does certainly ring true.

What's interesting to me is that in the Bible, before there is ever any mention of children, we're instructed to leave our parents and unite with our spouse. It's something I think of often. I'm not raising Micah to be my little boy forever. I'm striving to teach him two things. One, to have a real relationship with God. In my childhood, our church seemed to focus more on what was Biblically right and wrong and less on relationship. But I want Micah and Caleb to fall in love with Christ similar to falling in love with a spouse. Then obedience and a thirst for knowledge of what is right and wrong follows logically out of your effort to please God.

And two- to be the spiritual head of their home. I want my sons to be prepared for such a big task as leading a family in their daily walks with God. In fact, I want it to be a big consideration before they ask their wives to marry them. I want them to be aware of how prepared they must be to lead a wife and children in what God calls them to do.

In MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers) last week (sigh, have I still not blogged about the huge blessing that MOPS is for me?) I was thrilled that the guest speaker was a child psycologist-turned-SAHM who follows the Love and Logic method of parenting. During college I learned about this method and I'm always hapy to find bits and pieces of the theories sprinkled in my current reading of parenting. I was even more thrilled to have a speaker talk for an hour just on this topic. My handout was covered in notes by the end of the class.

The gist of this method, if it's possible to boil it down to just one phrase, is to give your children love and teach them logic. It centers on focusing your attention on your long term goal- productive and independent adults, not just happy or well-behaved children.

She brought up an example Terry and I have come across several times, the last of which was in James Dobson's "Dare to Discipline." Helicopter and Drill Sergeant parenting. Helicopter parents hover. They wait anxiously for their children to need them, then they swoop in and fix the problem. They do things like reminding a 5th grader that it's library day and to pack their book, instead of letting their child learn from the mistake of not having it to turn in. And then suffering the consequences- not getting to check out a new book. These parents never allow their children to learn to think for themselves or develop their sense of responsibility because they are always there to solve the problem.

Drill Sergeant parents wouldn't dream of even letting a problem arise. They make orders and demands in an effort to run their lives so smoothly that their children wouldn't even know a problem if they were presented with it.

The MOPS speaker drove the point home when she said very simply, "Both methods teach your children that you don't trust their judgement and so neither should they." Both methods end with adults who don't know how to live in the world or take care of even the simplest duties.

Terry and I both agreed that we have a little of each parenting style in us. It comes from a desire to protect our child from pain. If you solve their problems they can be happy and worry-free.

I have no brothers so I'm on shaky ground when it comes to what to expect from my boys. But I do know that I get giddy thinking about things like Little League and camping. I smile every time Terry says something like he did last night. Looking wistfully at a chess game in Barnes and Noble he said, "I hope Micah likes to play chess." While I know he was primarily thinking of how I won't even take the time to learn (frankly a game that takes so much brain power just doesn't sound like fun to me!) I saw him in five years or so sitting at the dining room table teaching Micah the ins and outs of the game. (Ok, maybe 10 or 12 years, really!) I can't wait to see my three guys enjoying things like that together.

And although I know that it's a complete fairy tale that they'll all look adoringly at their wife and mom and be thankful for her efforts and want to pamper her (ha!) I can be happy with the reality that my house will probably be more messy (definitely more stinky), more noisy, and more testosteron-y than a house of girls.

Yesterday Micah woke early from his nap and I laid down on the couch with him on my stomach to get him back to sleep. He slept, but Caleb didn't. Caleb kicked and squirmed from the unwelcome pressure of his big brother invading his tummy space. And I was in heaven. My two little boys so close together. It may have been the first time Caleb kicked Micah, but knowing boys, it's no where near the last!