Seeing Through The Murkiness

I'm not a morning person, so most days of the week when Micah wakes up, I pull him into bed with me and turn on PBS cartoons. That buys me 4 minutes and 39 seconds before he's hopping on me and smothering me with kisses in between demands of "Eat! Eat! Eat!" It really is a great way to wake up.

On days when I am up before him, I get to skip the cartoons for one of the main network's morning shows. One day last week I was watching a segment on "Moms who do it all" and I found myself sympathizing with them. These women were tired from whiny kids, monotonous chores, long work days and insensitive husbands. I listened for a while as they each told their sob stories and the interviewer kept saying things like, "You've just got to put yourself first! You've got to carve out some 'me' time." The longer I listened the more turned-off I was and the more whiny they seemed.

I think it was the holy spirit pricking me to see through the cultural norms of the show and be reminded of Biblical principles instead.

I'd been married for only a few months when I read a book called, "The Politically Incorrect Wife." It shook up my views of myself as a woman and wife. I've re-read the book about once each year of my marriage and I find something new in it every time.

In the authors' opinions, here is what American ideology believes of wives:

1. You are in control of your own life.
2. Marriage is a fifty-fifty proposition.
3. You should treat your husband like he treats you.
4. Your feelings are your guide.
5. Your husband needs to earn your respect.
6. You should make him pay for your forgiveness.
7. There's no such thing as a happy marriage anymore.
8. Your husband's job is to make you happy.

And here is what they say about Godly wives:

1. Doing things God's way is the key to having a joyful life.
2. I am 100% responsible to God for my behavior as a wife.
3. I'll love my husband unconditionally.
4. I will act the way I want to feel.
5. Respecting my husband brings glory to God.
6. Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling.
7. A source of power is readily available to help me!
8. My joy is not determined by another human being.

You see, when I watched the show on t.v., the logic of it made sense to me. Take care of yourself first, then you'll be refreshed and ready to take on the world and you'll be a better mom, wife, woman because of it. While it does make good common sense, the Bible actually teaches that a wife's number one job description is "helper."

Genesis 2:18 says it best. God had created the world and everything in it. Each time he created something he called it 'good.' Then he said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper meet." (AMP) In other words, God's plan of the world wasn't completely good until he created women to be helpers.

When I first truly considered my job title, I wasn't happy. I agreed with the author who first thought, "What a misuse of my abilities!"

However, if these women on t.v. were to accept their position as helper, and seek God to help them do just that, they would find rest and joy in their roles as wives and moms. "It's not something you do after you've done everything else. It's not about what you do at all. It's about who you are."

Something I've learned in recent years is that I don't know better than God. Seems like a pretty simple thing that I should have learned earlier. If you would have asked me if I thought I was smarter than God, I would have said no. But my actions have often shown differently. I often knew what the Bible asked of me and rejected it. In essence, "I hear what you're saying, God, but I'm gonna try it my way."

And that was my first instinct as a wife and mom, too. I didn't want to play a passive role in my marriage. I thought being a yes-girl would make me seem weak and undesirable to Terry. I even had moments of just plain thinking I knew the answer better than Terry.

Logically, and culturally, it makes sense to have two strong partners walking side by side in marriage. The ol' "two heads are better than one" scenario. That's the thing about our secular culture. It often seems full of common sense.

There's just no God-sense in it. For example, when I began to listen more to what my husband said and do less of the talking, he didn't start to think of me as simple-minded or unintelligent. He started to get more confidence in himself and make better decisions. When I began to really think of myself as "helper" I was less tired and more fulfilled than I'd been when I was in the driver's seat. God doesn't give us rules because they make sense. He doesn't give us rules on any kind of intellectual realm that we are capable of grasping. In fact, the whole IDEA of God and faith can seem ill-logical. What God asks of us is to take a step forward, follow his rules whether we see validity to them or not, and then wait for his response.

What we'll find every time is that he rewards us just for stepping out in faith.

We can't even begin to understand why God asks certain things of us. I liken it to the way a one year old behaves in the face of solid logic. For example, Micah used to like to chew on power cords. He would pull them from anywhere and try to sink his teeth into them. And to his teeny brain, he couldn't understand why I didn't want him to gnaw away. He thought, "It feels good. It's right here within my grasp. I've done it before and didn't get hurt. What's so wrong with it?" Micah could never understand the unseen dangers of chewing on a power cord. He couldn't even grasp the concept of electricity.

It's the same with us and God. He gives us so many commands as wives (And as moms. Anyone ever doubted for a second that spanking was the right thing to do? Me too. But the Bible tells us to do it in several verses.) that are often direct opposites of what we hear from our culture and media.

It is SO easy to buy into the lies. And it's so hard to see through the murkiness. When we surround ourselves with secular books, television, movies, magazines, etc., but only sit and read the Bible for 15 minutes a week and hear a sermon for 45 minutes, it's easy for the truth to be drowned out.

In fact, if you were to do a search on Biblical topics online, you'd come across an even bigger lie. There are many sites and "experts" who label themselves as Christian, but spew lies. They make excuses for when their version of life doesn't match up with the Bible's version. You can read from "religious" sources that Christians are confused with the wording or "original meanings" of some verses. Especially during my college years, I looked to these sites as a way to find truth. In actuality I was searching for someone to validate my opinions.

It's a very powerful and effective tool of Satan's to twist the truth. Which makes it dangerous to not do your own research. Do like they say on Reading Rainbow, "Don't take my word for it..." Look it up in the Bible!

When God tempts Eve in the garden, he uses God's words and twists them a bit to get to her. He says, "Did God really say you must not eat from any fruit in the garden?" (gen. 3:1) What he was really saying was, 'Are you sure, Eve? Is that what he really meant? Did you hear him correctly?" Sounds a lot like what Satan is still doing in America in a very real way. "Are you sure, Christian? Are you sure you aren't just being close-minded? Are you certain it's ok to rebuke that behavior? Are you showing love by being intolerant, Christian?"

On the other hand, when Jesus was tempted by Satan directly, he knew scripture enough to say, "It is written... it is written... it is written." (Matthew 4)

What God wants us to be as wives is very different from our own instincts and absolutely different from what the world would have us believe. We should know that the scripture says we are to be helpers. First and foremost. Not after we've taken some "me" time. No real fullfillment or rest will come from that "me" time anyway. It will only come from obedience to God. That's where there is true rest.

God's plan is far different from the world's. It is harder. It is higher. It is holier.